


Frosted Life

by Dalilia



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Or so I've heard, Sad, When you feel bad writing can help you cope, probably badly written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 21:34:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalilia/pseuds/Dalilia
Summary: I felt sad, decided to write my thoughts. This is very personal. I only use Sehun to exteriorise my feelings and thoughts and confront them through a third person's point of view. It just so happen that the person I had in mind was Sehun.





	Frosted Life

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly this is just sad thoughts and has nothing to do with EXO so I guess I'd say just don't bother yourselves with reading this work.

“Life is pointless”, Sehun thinks as he walks on the banks of the river, the misty air fogging his vision.  “What good is there in living when you don’t know what to make of your life? What’s the point?”

He sits on a bench. It is freezing. The heat of his body is slowly melting the slim layout of frost which then starts to wet his jeans. The city lights are flickering on the other side of the river, a good representation of his soul. The light is on, then off, then back on, then back off again. He sighs in frustration –or maybe it is desperation.

He wished he found an answer to his sorrow, wished he found the place where he belonged. It has already been years of searching and he only grows more and more tired as time goes by. How long can he last in this state? He went to see a therapist, once. If it felt nice to share his deepest and darkest thoughts at the time, it did nothing on the long term. The therapist agreed, there is something in him that just does not want to work. Like a broken code that keeps lagging at the exact same moment each time it is run.

Every part of his life looks like it has come together into one huge shadow. On every level, be it professional, sexual, sentimental… he does not know what he wants. He is lucky according to the living standards set up by modern society. In his hurt, he feels like he is always on the losing side of life. He wants to try things. He also avoids confronting his wants. He is completely lost, like a boat that was sent to the sea without a captain, condemned to forever drift on the immensity of the oceans.

Random songs play in his ears but he pays them no attention. It has been a long time since he last updated his phone’s music library. He knows every song, some of them he grew bored of. The fresh air makes him feel the most alive he has felt in the past few days but it is still not good enough. He wishes he bought alcohol, although he is quick to remind himself that drinking alcohol every time he gets dark thoughts will only lead him to the path of alcoholism. Who would care anyways? His family. His friends. People.

There are probably a number of things he would not have hesitated to do if it weren’t for others. He has no idea how this came to be, but suddenly the opinion of others mattered so much that he found himself unable to explore his life, his wants, his needs.

Of course, he experienced some things. But looking back on these experiences, he does not feel anything positive, or negative.  They somehow happened and that was that. Is something missing? Or are the others better at hiding the same feelings? He believes in the former. He must have missed a step on his way to life, to become the person he is today. It sometimes feels as though he was never truly born, only physically.

There is a boat passing by. The night is silent and calm. Sehun feels at peace. It is the only time of the day where he can calm down, when it seems as if the world was on pause. He tries not to think too much about the fact that he will still have to get up tomorrow morning and go on with his life, overlooking his negative feelings, trying to convince his loved ones that everything is alright, he has it under control.

Truth is, he is not so sure he has things under control. He is still sat on this bench, has not jumped into the river, so it must mean something. At the same time he cannot ignore the fact that he wishes even stronger now, that he would have bought alcohol. A middle-age couple is taking a late night walk, coming his way. They probably are returning home after going out to the restaurant or the cinemas. Conflicting feelings make their way into his heart and his mind. On one side he envies them for looking so content with each other, with their life… On the other side, he convinces himself that their lives must be quite boring and that it would not be his style. There is no point in dwelling. Sehun brings his focus back to the glimmering river, waiting for the lonely feeling to come back with each step that brings the couple away from him.

“Someday”, he tells himself. “Someday I will find it.”

 


End file.
